praise = the one thing the overly critical voice will never do.

(Scroll down to "Learning to Parent Oneself" to read the foundation of this idea.)

I keep coming back to the idea that, “The one thing the Overly Critical Voice will never do is Praise.” It may give a back-handed acknowledgement like, “Great job. What took you so long?! Keep going…” But it will never praise...or say, "I love you."

This is incredibly Invalidating and Not Fair! Yet, this is what a person run by their Overly Critical Voice says to themselves (and others) even when they do the harder thing to do.
We can only tolerate such harsh Criticism for so long before we Give up and Quit, and then the Overly Lax Voice takes over.

Ever since I can remember, I have been run by the Overly Critical Voice in my head. The idea of Praising myself or feeling comfortable receiving Praise has been a foreign concept to me up until around writing "Learning to Parent Oneself."

I have continued to practice quieting my Overly Critical Voice, and continued to help others learn to be more Fair to themselves. In that process, I have come up with a (theoretically) Simple and Sound strategy to end the inevitability of the Pendulum swinging to the Overly Lax Voice that  leads us to Quit/ Give Up on our new Routines / Habits / Diets / Resolutions

This is how it works:
Step 1: Whenever we do the harder thing to do, we say: “I am proud of me for ______." Or, "I love me for ______."

Step 2: When the Overly Critical Voice pushes back (and it will), just ask yourself:
                                       What was the Easier thing to Do?
                                       What was the Harder thing to Do?

For example: I worked out for 5 minutes.
1) “I am proud of me for working out for 5 minutes.”

The Critical Voice will for surely want to push back with, "5 minutes?! You were supposed to work out for 30 minutes! And you didn’t do anything the past 3 days!”

2) Well…. Would it have been easier to work out for 5 minutes? Or Zero minutes??
Therefore, I am proud of me for working out for 5 minutes.

Step 3: Once you believe the Praise, keep repeating, “I am proud of me.”

Keep in mind:
The Overly Critical Voice is our default voice. Once we stop repeating the Praise, the Criticism will go right back on. Just like Fear, “Criticism always want to be fed. All we can do is learn to feed it less.”

How do we feed it less?
                                                           Do the 1 thing the Overly Critical Voice will never do…