Dealing with the future unknown:

Fear is an attempt to feel in control. It is planning for the worst case scenario because we tricked ourselves in believing that if we are prepared for the worst, then we can handle anything; and somehow this means we get to be in control of our reality. Planning for the worst possible future (or a not ideal one) is no more real than planning for the ideal future. More so, if we look at the evidence from our past experiences, the worst or near worst never occurred. It was far more often that a pretty good to great outcome was the normal result from previous future unknowns. Yet, we continuously let anxiety lead us down the road of planning for the worst case scenario. We do this not because we think we are actually in control, but because we do not believe we can control our anxiety. Anxiety has led us to feed our fear, and the more we have fed our fear, the less we feel we can control it.

“We cannot control what other people say or do, but we can control how we react to what other people say and do.” We control how we react by controlling our thoughts.

Fear always wants to be fed, and it will never get full. The more we feed our fear, the hungrier it gets. The only way we can control our fear is to learn to feed it less/ stop feeding it.


                   Timeline for Future Unknown:

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                          Time A = present                                                              Time G = I know whether or not it worked out
                                                                                                                                                   
How miserable do I want to feel between now (A) and when I actually have the answer to whether or not it worked out (G)?

Feeding Fear
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        A = present                                                                             *G1 = “I failed!”
                                                                    
               Trusting that it will work out/ I can have what I want              
_____________________________________________________________________________
                                   A = present                                                                       *G2 = “Everything worked out!”

The Past is over = no longer real
The Future has not occurred yet = Not Real

*G1 and G2 are equally unreal at time A = because they have not occurred yet!

So why feed Fear when it is as equally as unreal as my best case scenario??

*If Neither are real, which do I want to focus on? aka. “Do I want to be Right or Happy?” When we choose to be right, we are choosing our fear: “See, I knew I couldn’t have what I wanted!/ I knew it wouldn’t work out!/ I knew I was not good enough!”

Solution: Feed Happiness over being right.
“I am allowed ______ : to have what I want/ to have it work out/ to be happy/ to be provided for.”