Honest, Direct Communication = the Antidote to Codependent Traits:

Caretaking, Mind Reading, Walking on Eggshells and Emotional Caretaking all thrive when Indirect Communication is present.

It is certainly not easy to break our unconscious codependent traits. Being consciously aware of our default traits and the traits of those who we care about, makes it much easier not to give into our default behaviors. Though, that is still really tough! The easiest way to break the pattern is to do what does not exist in codependent traits/ relationships: Be Honest and Direct. I know that it does not seem like the solution should be so simple, but it really seems to be. Let’s look at it:

Emotional Caretaking involves Mind Reading and Walking on Eggshells.
Caretaking involves doing something for someone that I will be resentful about.

Mind Reading cannot exist if I express all of my expectations. There is no guesswork. People know exactly what I am thinking and wanting.
Yes, they may not be able to or want to meet my expectations. But if they are brave enough to be honest and direct with me about their expectations, then at least our disappointments will be minimized. Expectations cannot always align.
Even if my expectations conflict with yours, at this point, we can (1)compromise or (2)we may  be at a legitimate stalemate. Disappointment is inevitable at times. But, how much disappointment is within our control: The longer we wait to express our expectations, the larger the disappointment (aka. resentment) will be when our expectations are finally expressed.

Caretaking is not the same thing as helping. Helping has no expectations. A Caretake involves unmet expectations.

For example, let’s say that my friend wants to vent about their very frustrating boss; something they do regularly and is getting pretty old for me because they are consistently talking about similar situations with their legitimately difficult boss. I finally realize that I will be annoyed to listen to my friend vent again because I spend my time and energy listening, but they don't seem take my great advice on how to solve their problem.

This is my expectation:  I am happy to listen to you vent if you will finally take my advice.
If you are going to just vent, not listen to me and come back with a similar story in a week, then I am going to be annoyed.
                    [This is a Caretake because I can see the resentment around the corner.]

Explaining to someone my expectation and what is going to lead to my frustration (annoyance/ eventual resentment), leaves no room for confusion. Again, my friend will likely not be happy with me when I explain, “I want to, but I’m sorry I cannot listen to you vent today because I will be resentful if I take my time listening to you and you do not follow my thought out advice.”
But this is clear:
I want to, but if I do it, it is a caretake; caretaking creates resentment and resentment eventually destroys all relationships. Your friendship is too important to me to destroy it.

People get resentful when we do not Caretake them. We get resentful when people do not Caretake us:
“I do things for you I don’t want to do all the time! How are you not going to help me out!?” = “I caretake you all the time! How are you not going to caretake me right now!? You’re not being fair!”

People get resentful when we do not Emotionally Caretake them. We get resentful when people do not Emotionally Caretake us:
“I am always thinking about how you will feel, and you never think about me and my feelings!” = “I am always mind reading you, and you never mind read me!” = “I am always walking on eggshells around you, and you never walk on eggshells around me!”

This is not healthy! This may be the unspoken rules of our relationship, but it is not healthy; and it will eventually destroy the relationship.

Being Honest and Direct allows us to break our unconscious, unhealthy patterns by realizing what we are doing.

The more and clearer the information we give when we say "No," the more a person can understand why we are saying “No.” They are still allowed to be disappointed when we say “No,” but they are more likely to understand that our intention is not malicious or that we are not just trying to get even with them. If we are clear and direct enough, they will understand that the intention behind our "No" is good.