THE QUALITATIVE REALM

A terrific Therapist in Seattle, Hal Abbot, explained to me the concept of “Qualitative and Quantitative Realms.” He explained that the Qualitative Realm consists of Emotions and Sensory Feelings. While, the Quantitative Realm is Thoughts and Doing things. Hal explained that our Emotional Wounds are Qualitative problems.

"Qualitative Problems can only be solved with Qualitative Solutions.
Just as, Quantitative Problems can only be solved with Quantitative Solutions."

The reason that we have not healed our Emotional (Qualitative) Wounds is because we have attempted to solve them with Quantitative Solutions.

Quantitative Attempts to solve Qualitative problems include:
1. Doing things
2. Using Logic or Rational thinking to invalidate our Emotions

Children are consciously or unconsciously taught, “If you behave well, or get good grades, or score a goal, or make a great drawing, then I will praise you. If I praise you, then you are a good boy/ good girl. If I don’t praise you, or if I yell at you, then you will think that you are bad/ or not good enough/ or not smart enough/ or not pretty enough.”

These are the negative skipping records that create deep emotional wounds inside of us. These records started skipping by age 3, said Hal, (I think that probably by age 1 our first records began), and they have kept skipping all day every day right up to our reading this.

1. Doing Things:
Let’s look at striving for Perfection: Striving to Do everything perfectly is a Quantitative attempt to resolve a Qualitative (emotional) problem.
Lots of people think, “If I do this perfectly, then I will be praised and told that I did a great job. If I don’t do it perfectly, then they will be upset with me/ they will fire me/ they will know I am a fraud or a failure.”
This attempt to Do is masking an Emotional wound that tricked us into thinking that we could solve our lack by doing it perfectly: "If I do everything perfectly, then everyone will be happy with me, and then I will finally be able to believe I am good enough." This is an impossible standard people create for themselves. Perfection is impossible.

2. Using Logic or Rational thinking to invalidate our Emotions:
I almost proudly used to refer to myself as a “Recovering Robot.” I did not try to Do enough things to solve my Emotional Wounds, but I did try to rationalize away my emotions by floating away in the Thought Realm. I believed I could solve my emotional problems if I just thought about the issue enough and I could conceptualize it so well that I would get over it without ever having to feel the pain of sadness.
This was me Avoiding* feeling the emotional pain because it was too painful to feel; too scary and overwhelming to face. Of course Avoiding is another word for Denying.*

The only way to solve our Emotional Wounds is to sit and feel the emotions that were created by our Negative Skipping Records. A Qualitative Wound must be solved with a Qualitative Solution. No amount of Doing or Thinking Away our Emotions will heal our Emotional pain.

The only way we can heal from any Emotional/ Qualitative Wound is by feeling and Accepting it.