MICHAEL KAUFMAN LICSW
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How to undo the Shame-Talk: “Empower” from the LOVE ecronym

1/13/2022

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Brené Brown speaks of “Enoughness” as the counter to Shame-Talk (for example, “I’m not good enough.”)
Initially, I was skeptical about using “I am enough,” or “I did enough today” as my positive replacement record because my Overly Critical Voice has plenty of evidence to point out how this is untrue.
When I introduce Positive Self-Talk, I explain that “The first rule of a positive skipping record is that you have to believe it. Otherwise, it won’t work.”
To counter my default Shame record of “I’m not good enough,” I just didn’t think I would believe the "good enough" replacements. Fortunately, I had already come up with a way of  “Gathering Evidence” to  believe my “enoughness.”

I figured out how to believe “I am proud of me“* by asking myself:
"What was the Easier thing to do?"
...
Say I am enough? Or, criticize myself for the 10 things I haven't done today?
"What is the harder thing to do?” 
...Walk for 5 minutes today? Or walk for 0 minutes today?

*I definitely believe there is a great value in Being able to say and repeat, “I am proud of me for ________ (whatever is the harder thing I am doing in the moment).” So I still stand by this practice. -Eventually I want to get into the importance of distinguishing the Quantitative from the Qualitative wins.*

...back to "enoughness."
I have been successfully practicing “I did enough today” by gathering all of the harder things I have done in the day.”

“I am enough” seems to be trickier
If nothing else, the cheat is always putting “I’m allowed” in front of the desired Positive Skipping Record. “I am allowed to believe I am enough” “I am allowed to be enough,” “I am allowed to know I am enough.” This of course is just the replacement thought.

To fully heal, “I am not enough,” we must LOVE ECRonym our Shame Record.

L isten to “I am not Enough.”
O bserve the Context this was created:
    “I’m being triggered in the moment by ____. But, ‘I am not ___ enough’ was one of my original
    Negative Records (Fears, Worries, Insecurities).”

V alidate “I am not Enough.”
E mpathize w/ the Shame created from this record.

E mpower by:
Challenge by Gathering the Evidence:
“What does ‘good enough’ even mean??”
“What are the traits of someone who is ‘good enough’ VS ’Not good enough’??”
“Is it about Who I AM? Or what I DID?” 
  
&
Replace with the believable Record:
"Yes, I continue to make mistakes. Yes, I am not learning as quickly as I think I should. But, I want to learn from my mistakes, and I am slowly learning from them."
“I am allowed to be enough,”
“I am allowed to believe I am enough,”
“I am allowed to know I am enough.”
“I am enough.”

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