The 2024 election & future unknowns

                                     Anyone else feeling anxious about this election???
I keep hearing pundits say, “I can’t wait for this election  to finally be over on Tuesday. Either way, at least it will be over.” This could not ring more untrue for me and my Wanting to FEEL in Control of the Future Unknowns of this country. 

So let's look at the Election in the Context of Future Unknowns [see my 10/28/20 post for a more in depth explanation]:

“SUFFERING = PAIN x RESISTANCE* “-Christopher Germer via Self-Compassion by Neff
                      *Resistance: Denial, Anger, Bargaining and Depression*
The PAIN is always going to be the Pain.. For example, We may rate this Emotional Pain to be a 9 out of 10. We do NOT get to control how Painful this is and how uncomfortable it will feel.

But, we DO have control over how many hours/ days/ weeks/ months we RESIST sitting and Feeling this Pain.
                          Suffering = 9  x 7 days
                                        Suffering = 9  x 30 days
ACCEPTANCE = way to Reduce my Suffering because I stopped *Resisting.

The Stages of GRIEF and Loss (by Kubler-Ross):
1. Denial* —> Distracting, Avoiding, Numbing out, Self-Medicating
2. Anger* —> 
3. Bargaining*  —> “I can’t wait for this election  to finally be over on Tuesday. Either way, at least it will be over.”
4. Depression / Hopelessness*  —> (where I’ve been the past week)
5. ACCEPTANCE = "There's nothing to make this immediately go away. I’m stuck with all of my Overwhelming Thoughts and Emotions... I CANNOT GET OUT OF THIS, I can only get through this by facing all of the things I have no Control over. aka. I cannot control what OTHER people Say/ Do. I can only Control How I REACT.”
 
Every human being spends a lot of time Bargaining how much “Doing my Part” influences the overall outcome of Future Unknowns. Our Default thinking is to over-inflate how much doing my part can influence the outcome of any given future unknown. As Neff puts it, “We are surprisingly brusque toward ourselves when the more general circumstances of our life go wrong through no fault of our own.”  [Beyond my Control for Future Unknowns]

I think the Trap that we consistently fall into that Causes the Most Anxiety is Lying to Ourselves via BARGAINING:

Obsessively listening to 24 hour news cycle and checking polling is one way we unconsciously Bargain that we can somehow influence the outcome by staying the most up to date on the news.

Pundits have expressed their Bargaining in a different way:
“I can’t wait for this election  to finally be over on Tuesday. I just want it to be over!”
What is underlying this is the false belief, "I cannot control my anxiety leading up to and following the election, but even if it's the 'worst case scenario,' at least I will know what to expect beginning on 11/06/2025."

Aka. "Doing my Part" or what I do have Control over is How much I worry between Now and when I know who will be the next President. This is very True. However, am I Accepting Reality that once I know who will be president, that all of the emotions under the surface will still be there and Need to be Accepted?

I have spent at least the past week Bargaining that I have Any influence over the outcome of this election.

ACCEPTANCE:
                                     I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER __________:
                                                   Who wins the election.
                                         WHEN we will know the results.
                  All the potential concerning things that may occur re: the election results
                                                 by Politicians and Citizens.
             What, if anything, the Supreme Court may do re: the above
   
The LOVE ECRonym is the way to honor all the Emotions that come up before we get to the bitter pill we inevitably must swallow when we are faced with the reality of things that are not and were never in our control.  [see my 09/16/2019 post for more details]

LISTEN to the Negative Self-Talk re: the Election
                  What are all my Bargaining thoughts?

OBSERVE the Context in which these valid Negative thoughts were Created/ Triggered:
                 Election day is 11/05/2024!!!

VALIDATE the Negative Thoughts:


EMPATHIZE w/ ALL the Emotions created from my Valid Thoughts:                 
                                          Anger
                                          Bargaining
                                          Fear/ Anxiety
                                          Depression/ Hopelessness
I really want control over this election. I am terrified what can happen if ____ wins. The stakes are incredibly high. This is not an irrational fear. There is even logical evidence to support this fear. Unfortunately no matter what I want for all of the good reasoning I want it, I DON’T GET TO CONTROL THIS ELECTION OR ANY NATIONAL POLITICAL DECISIONS. I wish that I could. I only want what is best for all people.

EMPOWER via:
CHALLENGE my reasoning that justifies feeding Valid Fear and Anxiety:

The purpose of the Timeline is to CHALLENGE the default thinking to Worry/ Prepare for the worst.
By going through the Best and Worst case scenarios (and anywhere in between) is to recognize that the ONLY thing we have CONTROL OVER is how much we WORRY between Now (Time A) and when we know the Outcome to our source of Worry (Time G).

Future Unknown 1:
-----------I-------------------I-----------------------------------I---------->
             Time A =         Time C =                             Time G = 11/05? 11/06? 11/09?
      [Weeks ago]             [now]                                ["I know who won. It's finally over.”] 

What is underlying this belief is the false belief, “I can’t control my anxiety leading up to the election, but even if it’s the ‘worst case scenario,’ at least I will know how to prepare for what is to come after 11/6/2024.”

             Future Unknown 2:
-----------I-------------------I-----------------------------------I---------->
             Time A =         Time C =                             Time G = January 2025
            [now]           [November 2024]               [I know who is president, how that unfolded]

                             Future Unknown 3:
-----------I-------------------I-----------------------------------I---------->
             Time A =         Time C =                              Time G = 2028:
            [now]           [January 2025]         [I know whether or not Trump was president, how 
                                                               much Project 2025 agenda got implemented, if mass
                                     deportations occurred, Conservative Supreme Court influence, etc.] 

The Only Control I Have in this moment is how miserable I make myself between Now and Time G. Do I want to be Right (feed my Fear)? Or Calm?

REPLACE with a believable Positive Replacement Thought:
Once we believe this Challenge, we REPLACE by Focusing on the Desired Emotion:
"What do I want? Not, what do I not want?" [Calm/ Peaceful/ Happy <— “Everything will be ok.”]

“I am allowed to be wrong about this election.” (NOT the Worst Case Scenario)
"I am allowed to have what I want." (Best Case Scenario)
“I put the election in the hands of the Universe.” (Turning it Over and Trusting Things Work Out in My Favor)
"I put the well being of the US and its Citizens in the hands of the Universe."
“Everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.” (to quote a client from years ago)

                                         ---- CONGRATULATIONS!!! ----

We have ACCEPTED the 90-95% of things we NEVER had and NEVER will have control over re: the Election and what will follow! 

Now that there is No more Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Hopeless, Depressed or Anxious feelings, we can now focus on How to Deal with the Part of Future Unknowns that I KNOW I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER:

The ultimate goal is to find a way to authentically TRUST that things will work out in my favor; even though I know I have no control over the outcome AND I am terrified it will not.

Part 2: Knowing / Trusting/ Turning it Over is how I have done it since 2000:

                               https://www.mentalemotionalbalance.com/updates/archives/10-2020